Break My Heart

I think God is really trying to get me ready for the Pursue Conference. We have an amazing worship team for this year's conference. We have been having lots of extra rehearsals and learning new songs and I am just so excited to see how it all turns out. Well, the whole theme for this year's conference is "Break Our Hearts for What Breaks Yours." I have really been praying this and believe that God can totally do this in all of us. My thought on what this looks like though has been all about the lost, hurting people in less fortunate countries.

This week, God has totally rocked my world with all of this. I get really excited thinking about what I can do for people in other nations, but God showed me (again) this week that there is a huge situation staring at me in the face right here in Lubbock.

Most of you know that I am a stepmom. It feels weird to say that, because I don't feel like a step mom. Taylor lives with us full time and as far as I'm concerned she's all mine! I love her more than anything and the whole "step" label just feels weird for me to even say. Anyways, Taylor's birth mom, Summer, has always been a big prayer issue in my life. The whole process and journey that I have gone through (and continue to go through) concerning Summer is quite elaborate. First, I dealt with anger toward her. How could a mother act the way she does? How can one person be so selfish? These are all questions and issues that I struggled with and dealt with and now feel such peace about it all. God's grace is so amazing. That's all I can say about it. It's all a testimony of God's grace being enough in each situation. After the anger phase then I just felt sorry for her. Sometimes I still do even though I know that she has chosen the life she has and her choices and actions are why she is where she is at in life.

Now, Summer is pregnant. This has been a very trying time for me, because it is hard to see how Taylor has had to deal with it. Overall, she is very excited about a new sibling. My issues of course go back to Summer. Without going into all of the details, she is currently living with her ex-boyfriend who is fresh out of jail for drug dealing. He is not the father of the baby. Can you imagine the conversations I've had with an eight year old about all of this??? Things you never thought you would have to discuss with a third grader! What "breaks my heart" about this entire situation is that Summer will not go to the doctor for prenatal care. My assumption is that she is back on drugs and I just can't stand the thought of that. Since I am also pregnant I realize the weight of the responsibility of creating and sustaining this other life. It is a huge thing, but wow, what a blessing!!!

Every time I think about what I can do for the orphans in Africa, or the prostitutes in India, God redirects my focus to Summer. I don't know why this is the one situation in my life that I will probably always have to deal with, but I know that God has purpose for it all. So, if you think about it today, please pray for Summer. Please pray for the unborn child that she carries. This is Taylor's little brother or sister. My prayer is that #1- the child gets here safely and drug free and #2- God will protect Taylor from too much information and more than her little mind and heart can handle.