Yesterday...there's a shadow hanging over me...

I haven't blogged in a while. This morning as I sit and try to decide what fabulous things have happened over the last week to write about, I can't remember much of anything before yesterday. I ended the day by sharing with Alan that I feel a really strong heaviness in my spirit. I can't pinpoint it. I thought it was because I went to a funeral earlier in the day. A dear friend, Rocky Green passed away from brain cancer. Rocky and I met and became friends in January 2000. He was a great friend, brother, teacher and lover of Jesus. He was always so consumed with God and His word and just doing whatever he could to grow closer to the Lord. He always inspired me in that way. I have lost touch with Rocky in the last few years as he moved away to Hawaii and then to California. When I learned of his diagnosis a few years ago I was so saddened, but one day not long after hearing the news I ran into his parents at a store. Their faith in God's total healing and positive outlook for Rocky's life, just boosted my hope. So when I heard of his passing last Wednesday I was just overwhelmed with sadness. I know Rocky is praising Jesus and having an amazing time in heaven, but the grief felt by those left here still makes it hard. If you think about it, say a prayer for the Green family today. Rocky was married last August and his wife, Jena is expecting their first child. Pray for his parents, his sister and her family, and his brother Caleb. For a few years of my life, Caleb was my very best friend. I never had a brother, but Caleb was the closest thing in my life to it. God brought Caleb into my life at a critical time. I was starting my second semester of college and was desperately needing to find a Christian friend. It was very hard for me to be what felt like the only light in a dark world all around me. And then Caleb came along. His light never dimmed and he introduced me to all of the other "lights" that were already there that I was too shy or scared to try and find for myself. At Rocky's funeral, Caleb sang one of Rocky's songs called Rest, and I sat admiring and grieving for my dear friend as he paid a final tribute to his hero in life, his older brother.

I'm not sure if this is the root of the heaviness inside of me. I suspect it is something more, but I'm not sure what it is. It could just be the tiredness and exhaustion I feel in my physical body. I think it's a combination of a lot of things. I faced another situation yesterday that just totally drained me. I drove away from the frustration and could literally feel some of the heaviness lifting off of me as I drove further and further away.

The bright spot of my day yesterday was a little bit odd. Taylor's mom, Summer had her baby late Monday night, so yesterday I took Taylor up to hospital to meet her new little sister, Avery Star. I know Molly Kate is only 3 1/2 months old, but she seemed so big compared to this little newborn. She was so beautiful with a head of dark hair and Taylor's cute little nose. I just held her for the better part of the hour we were there. What could have been and probably should have been a really awkward moment wasn't. There we were, Taylor, Summer, and I just sitting and chatting. God's grace is pretty amazing. I pray that Avery Star Tanner will come to know Jesus at a young age and that she will always be protected and loved and that God's hand will be on her always.

The day ended with a birthday dinner for my brother-in-law Heath. If you haven't met Heath, you should. You can read this to see what my sister thinks about her hubby.

Yesterday was full of one crazy event after another and honestly I'm glad it's over. Today my goal is to have a peaceful, relaxing day with my girls and just spend some much needed time in His presence.