The Basement

Where I Am Today: in the basement.
Metaphorically speaking (since I don't have a basement), this is where I feel like I've been camped out for a few months now. At first I really enjoyed the quiet, aloneness of the dark basement. When I was in high school we moved to a new house. I got first pick of the rooms because my sisters had first picks at the previous two houses. Right smack dab in the middle of the house was a wonderful room with it's own little bathroom. Instantly I chose it, not because of the bathroom, but because of it's location. Literally it was in the middle of the house and had no windows! It was my cave and I loved it. I painted it dark blue and covered the walls with random stuff and could have spent every minute of every day in my cave. I got so used to the darkness that I had to put a towel over the clock and rolled up under the doors, because any hint of light drove me crazy. I'm weird, I know. So a few months ago when I started settling into the quiet, darkness of my new metaphorical basement, I was really happy! But somehow over time, the basement started getting musty and a little too dark and I started feeling like I needed to move that towel and let a little light in. The only problem was, there was no light to be found. At least on my own. The last few weeks I've been very unsettled and uncomfortable in my basement so I've thrown a few pity parties to try and liven up my living conditions. They didn't work. This past Sunday at church during the worship time I was once again desperately trying to find some kind of light to breakthrough the dark place I've been feeling like I've been in. Instead I got a little tap on the shoulder and there was a man waiting to give Alan and I a word. Over the span of my life I've probably received 100's of "words" from 100's of people. Some have been encouraging, some troubling, some down right crazy, and some divinely from God. As usual, I leaned in to listen and graciously receive whatever he had to say. Here's what came out of Royce's mouth.

"I see you guys in this basement. It's getting very dark and smoggy, and musty like basements that have been shut up for a while do. You've been wondering how much longer you're going to have to stay here. If you don't get a fresh breath you feel like you're gonna scream. All of a sudden I see this plate glass window on the ceiling of the basement and this rock just comes flying through the air and busts through the glass and floods the basement with light and fresh air. Then I see that basement moving and all of a sudden it's now the top floor of the building."

When he was done sharing with us, he quietly walked away and the worship team was singing this verse: "Because You're with me, because You're with me, because You're with me, I will not fear."

God is with me even in the basement. Even when I can't see Him or feel Him, He's there. In the musty, smelly, foggy basement, He's never left. And He has amazing ways to remind me of that. He'll use a man I hardly know or a song to speak straight to my fears and questions. I'm glad that I'm in the basement right now. Still waiting on that glass shattering rock, but you know, it's ok if it doesn't come right away. I know that God is right here with me, right where I'm at. And interestingly enough, I've written two songs this week! They aren't the generic sing-songy things I'd been writing in an effort to churn out some manufactured sounding "good" songs. These are really coming from deep in my heart. I'm able to just pour out what I've been thinking and feeling in a prayer like way to God. My prayer today is not for a quick release or a desperately needed breath of fresh air, but rather for contentment and a deeper trust in my God who is right here with me on this journey. It's my prayer for you today too.

On a great note: we finished a song!! It's actually Alan who has poured in all the time and work into it. And it's his song 100%! He wrote it, produced it and is singing it which was really hard to convince him to do, but it sounds amazing! I can't wait to share it with you all. Hopefully soon. Pray that we will find more time in the midst of Alan's job, our family, and everything else that consumes our life, to record. We have 4 or 5 songs waiting in the wings, ready to be recorded and a few others somewhere in the recording process. It feels really good to know I'm doing what God asked me to do even if I don't know the plan of how it's all supposed to work!