Sunday Edition Letters

Dear Target,
I'm a huge fan of your store, always have been. Could you just do me one favor? Could you put the $1 section somewhere else than the front of the store? Every time I visit I spend at least $27 before I even get past the front door!! There are so many little things in that section that I convince myself that I need because it's only $1. Well, 27 must have items later, and my basket is full of kneeling pads for the garden, Spiderman stickers, and Hello Kitty highlighters. None of these things I need, by the way. Have you seen my garden? That's right, you haven't because I don't even have one. I don't even have grass!! But in the event that I ever do decide to have a green thumb, I will be well prepared with the knee pad. So, while I love a good bargain, could you help me out a little bit? I have diapers and formula to buy!


Dear Jillian Michaels,
Today at Target I purchased your 30 Day Shred DVD. While the appeal of fantastic abs like yours is pretty strong, the 20 minute workout limit is what won me over. Let's face it, I don't have time to be crunching, and butt kicking, and bicep curling for extended periods of time. And while we're being honest, even if I did have the time, I wouldn't do it. So, 20 minutes, I can handle. I do feel however that there should have been a warning against the consumption of burritos 4 hours within starting the workout. I guess this is common knowledge, but to a workout novice like myself, I did not think about the fact that 2 combination burritos 30 minutes before a workout was a bad idea. I'm sure other workout newbees would appreciate the warning!


Dear garage sale shoppers,
You never cease to amaze me. Oh the things you will buy! While my two day sale was less than stellar, I still managed to make some money and what's most exciting is that I got rid of my junk at the same time. JUNK, people!!! That's right, you purchased junk. Random things that have been sitting around in the closets, dark corners and cobweb covered shelves of my home. Had I known that the almost broken toys, old books, VHS tapes, and yucky old bras would bring in cash, I would have cleaned out those closets long ago!!! Power to the packrats!


Dear Brooke Fraser,
Hello from your new friend! I know we've never met, but we've been in the same room before. Of course you were teaching a workshop to 700 people and I was one of those people, but still we should totally meet! Here are a few reasons why I think we would be such great friends: 1. You like cooking shows. I like cooking shows. 2. You are a great songwriter. I want to be a great songwriter. 3. You are comfortable talking about your bowel movements in front of said 700 people in the workshop. I thought it was funny that you were comfortable talking about your bowel movements in front of that many people. 4. You live in Australia, I would love to visit Australia! 5. I'm sure there are many more reasons, but this is all I can come up with right now. By the way, I'm not a crazy stalker or anything, I have just learned some of these things about you from Twitter. So maybe we should watch some Food Network and write some songs together! Just a thought!